


Sacrifices

by Loki_Fics (Scarred_Neptinite)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Faked character death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Marriage, Original Character(s), Pregnancy, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship, Temporary Character Death, Triplets, Twins, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-07-12 20:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16002698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarred_Neptinite/pseuds/Loki_Fics
Summary: You find out you're pregnant with Loki's child right after he fell off the Bifrost. You have been raising his son, Dagfinn, by yourself until he returns to Asgard in chains. As Loki tries to redeem himself to you and the rest of Asgard, you may lose your husband again. Or, he may lose you.





	1. Prologue

“I am a monster, (Y/n).” You look at your lover in disbelief.

“No, Loki. I refuse to believe this.” You grab his arm and pull him into a hug. “You’re wrong. It’s not true.”

“It’s true, darling.” Loki pulls away.

“Prove it.” You glare up at him. Yes, Loki was always in Thor’s shadow. Yes, he has self esteem issues, but to believe he is one of the frost giants? What happened on Jotunheim? “Laufey probably lied to you!”

“It wasn’t Laufey that told me!” He yells. You take a step back. “Odin told me!”

“Odin?” You frown. Why would he say that?

“Yes, my  _foster_  father.” Loki takes a step towards you. “How does it feel to love a monster?”

You slap him. “Shut up, Loki!” He stares at you stunned, but hoping you’ll leave him. “I don’t love a monster!” Loki takes a step back. He really wasn’t wanting to do this. Loki transforms into his Jotun form and you gasp.

“I told you, I am a monster. You  _love_  a monster.” He growls.

You recover quickly and just glare up at him. “How do I know this isn’t one of your tricks? How do I know you just are trying to get me to leave you as you have always done?!” You scream. “If you don’t want me anymore, just toss me aside yourself! Don’t tell  _me_  to leave you!” Loki transforms back and you accept the pain. “You are a monster, Loki, but not because you’re apparently a frost giant. It’s because you’re too much of a fucking coward to leave me yourself and instead try to scare me away!” You leave with tears in your eyes. It hasn’t been easy loving Loki, you accepted that a long time ago. But you never thought he would force you to leave him instead of leaving you himself.

Loki stands there, staring at your retreating form. He wasn’t lying. He was a frost giant and wanted you to leave for your own safety. Why did it pain him so? Loki was saving you! Or so he told himself. “(Y/n)…” He closes his eyes. What did he do? Loki just lost the one person in the nine realms that stood by his side, who saw him in the shadows. He swallows his pride and seeks you out.

You have collapsed on your bed, sobbing. How could you have wasted hundreds of years with this insufferable man? Why didn’t you see the signs sooner? You were the one putting effort in this relationship, not him. You were putting aside your pain and hurt to forgive him time and again. You were always there to comfort him, but he was never there for you. Why were you so naïve? When a knock sounded on your door, you knew who it was. “Go away, Loki.” You glare at the door. He always did this, make you cry and then ask for forgiveness. How long before you break?

“(Y/n), you’re right. I should have just ended it myself.” Your tears come faster. “I am ruling in my father’s place until he awakens. I do not have time for you anymore.” You don’t respond. You can’t respond! Every pain you have ever felt with him burns in your veins. “I wish you a lifetime of happiness.” Why did you trust him? He only used you. You sit up and glare at your pillow.

“I should have known.” You mumble, but Loki heard it. His heart feels like it’s been ripped from his chest. “I was more in love with you than you were with me.” You sigh and hold a pillow to sob into. “How was I so stupid?” Everyone warned you, even Thor. But did you listen? No! Of course not! You wanted to prove them all wrong! You wipe your tears and lock your pain away. “Learn your lesson.” You chide yourself. “ _Never_  trust anyone ever again.”


	2. Chapter 1

You stand there on a balcony thinking back on that night nearly a year ago. A few days after that you lost him, for good. Loki had let go of the scepter and fell into the void. No words begging for forgiveness, no last minute vows of love, just pain in your chest that doesn’t seem to ever go away and a son, Dagfinn. “Loki, I’m so sorry.” You let the tears fall like you do every night as you hold your baby close. “I failed you, this is my fault.” If you had just stayed there and held him, despite his Jotun form, maybe he would still be here. Maybe he would be your husband, maybe he would have seen the birth of his son. Odin and Frigga were more than generous when you found out. They gave you Loki’s old room. Let you sleep in his bed and care for their grandson under their watchful eye.

“(Y/n),” you wipe your tears and turn to face Frigga. “It’s not good to stay up so late, especially since this little one will be up again soon.” You sigh and nod your head.

“You’re right.” You look back out at the stars. “Do we know where he is yet?”

“Midgard.” You lose your breath. “Dearest child, please don’t get your hopes up. It seems…” You swallow and look at her again. “It seems he is not the man we knew.”

“What do you mean?” You whisper. “What has happened?”

“Thor is bringing him back.”

“What has Loki done?” You bite your lip, not sure if you want to hear the answer.

“You will hear at his trial in a few months.” You start crying again. “(Y/n), it’s going to be alright.”

“I don’t know if I can face him again.” Frigga pulls you into a gentle hug, careful not to harm your child. “I failed him, All-Mother. I failed your son.”

“No, dear, you didn’t. Odin and I failed him.” She wipes your tears. “You were the only good in his life. There is no way you could have failed him.”

“You don’t know what happened.” You whisper. “I left and I never looked back. He sought me out and I didn’t answer the door.” You lean against her. “I didn’t want to forgive him yet. He fell thinking I hated him!”

“(Y/n), this isn’t your fault!” Frigga comforts you. “My son has hurt you deeply, it’s only natural you didn’t want to let him back in.”

“He doesn’t know Dagfinn is his child.” You whisper. She pets your hair until you’ve calmed.

“Dear (Y/n), go to bed. You don’t have to see him ever if you don’t wish it.”

“Doesn’t he have a right to know his son?” You whisper. Frigga sighs.

“I don’t know if it would be better or worse.” She escorts you back to your room. “Let me see him first, maybe I can get him to come to his senses.”

“Don’t try too hard.” You sigh. “You know how stubborn he is.”

“Yes, and I know how easily you forgive him.” You look away. “This isn’t something you may be able to handle.

“I know.” You whisper before laying your son down in his crib. “Thank you, All-Mother.” You smile at her sadly. “You are truly a comforting companion.”

“I try to be, dear.” She leaves and you lay on your bed, trying to forget about your past lover.

Right when you are about to sleep, a familiar green glow appears in the room. “L-Loki?” You whisper. You barely open your eyes and see his figure standing over Dagfinn’s crib. “Loki?” You force yourself out of the bed and make your way to him. “Isn’t he beautiful?”

“You cheated on me?” Loki is glaring at your child. “And then you are raising him in my room?”

“No!” You go to grab his arm and that’s when you realize it’s an illusion. “Loki, he is your’s!” You cry. “No one…no one has even approached me since your fall.”

Loki turns his glare onto you. “Lies!” You glare up at his illusion.

“No, not lies!” You grab your son and startle him. Dagfinn starts crying before turning into a frost giant baby, like he does whenever he is scared. “Only your son can do this!” Loki takes a step back from your son and growls. “You hate him? He is ours! I couldn’t have asked for more!” You hold Dagfinn close to your chest, comforting him back into his Asgardian form and lulling him back into sleep.

“What’s his name?”

“Dagfinn.” You whisper and smile down at your son. “Where the hell are you?”

“Prison.” You let your tears fall.

“Loki… What did you do?” Your voice cracks.

“Something stupid.” You frown.

“Obviously.” You lay your son back in his crib and sit on the bed. “So we will never talk about that night?”

“What night?” Loki frowns at you. Did he really not remember?

“The night I failed you! The night I listened to you and left without giving you a chance for redemption! Maybe then…” You look down and bite your lip. “Maybe then we could have been a family.”

“That is the last thing I would have wanted!” Loki snarls, but he feels his heart quicken. You dealt with a frost giant pregnancy without him? How did you do it?

“Then why are you here?” You whisper. “Is it to mock me? Rub your hate in my face like you always do?” You start sobbing. “Loki, my heart can only handle so much!” The real Loki is watching from the shadows in the corner. He managed to trick the guards with an illusion to get out and see you. He needed to know you were safe. Loki sighs and kneels on the bed behind you as his illusion disappears. You yelp as his hand covers your mouth and pulls you back onto the bed.

“Darling, I needed to make sure my lover was alright.” Your blood runs cold at his words. Does he love you or not? You can never really tell.

“Loki… What are you doing here?” You whisper.

“I’m here to see the only person in the nine realms that matters. I’m here to spend one last night with her before I’m locked up and the key is thrown away.” His lips graze your neck and you involuntarily shiver.

“Loki… I can’t.” You pull away and lay on the bed with tears running down your face. “Not after everything. I should have pulled you into my arms. I should have opened my door.”

“No, I hurt you deeply. Of course, you want nothing to do with me.” He whispers. “Let me at least hold you one last time.” You allow him to pull you to his chest.

“Why do you hate me?” You whisper into his chest.

“I do not hate you, my dear.” He kisses your hair. “I am an undeserving man.”

“Yes you are.” You frown. “Sleep with me again. Like we used to.”

“Darling, is that wise?” You glare at him.

“I don’t give a shit.” Loki smirks and pulls you above him. “I’m going to ride you so hard….” You groan and hump his erection through his pants.

“Damn, have you been this neglected?” Loki growls and you’re both naked, but you’re still teasing him with your wet cunt.

“I told you.” You lift his dick up and lower yourself onto him. “No one has had me since you.” You bounce on him and grind your hips teasingly. Soon your room is filled with muffled moans and sighs of pleasure. Nothing feels as good as his dick filling you. “Loki…. I’m going to cum.” You try to whisper.

“So soon, darling?” Loki teases, but he feels his own orgasm building. As soon as you release and bite your lip until it bleeds to prevent your screams, Loki groans and you push a pillow on his face to muffle his sounds. After he relaxes you remove the pillow and see him staring up at you.

“I didn’t want you to wake Dagfinn.” You whisper. Loki brushes his thumb over your lips and they heal. “Th-thank you.”

“Marry me.”

“What?” You frown down at him.

“I said marry me.”

“Are you insane?” You whisper. “Your parents will never approve!”

“They don’t matter.” Loki glares up at you.

“You’ll be in prison.” You sigh and move off him to lay next to him. “Loki, what kind of marriage is that?”

“A secret one.” You shake your head.

“So I’m forced to be only yours while you’re able to deny us?”

“Please,” you see a small gold ring in his hand. “Marry me, dearest love. I regret that night more than you could ever know.” You stare at it in disbelief. “Please, (Y/n), marry me. You’re the only person I can trust.”

“Yes, I will.” You kiss him and he slips the band on your finger. He conjures a second and smirks.

“And I take you as my wife as well.” You slip his on his finger. “Forever.”

“Forever.” You two whisper a blessing in the dark, sealing your will to his for all eternity. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Loki smirks and kisses you gently. “Let me hold you now.” You snuggle close. “Thank you, wife; it’s going to be difficult the next few months.”

“I know.” You close your eyes. “But I have you again. That’s all that matters.” Loki kisses your head before giving in to sleep.


	3. Chapter 2

Nothing could prepare you for what Loki did. Innocent people? How could he do this? You start sobbing as Loki’s arrogant remarks and smirk replace the man you knew. “Loki…” You have to hold onto Frigga’s arm to steady yourself. Frigga wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you close. “ _Why?!_ ” You hold Dagfinn close to your chest.

“Because darling, I’m above them, just as I’m above you.” You twist the golden ring around your finger.

“How could you say that?” You don’t know whether to believe his words or if he is just putting on a façade. You couldn’t stay there guessing and second guessing Loki’s motives. You couldn’t keep reading into every word and movement Loki makes. You run from the throne room, regret fills you as you collapse on a bench and sob. Only Loki and you know right now, but you are pregnant again. What are you going to do? Frigga finds you comforting your baby and holding your stomach.

“You’re pregnant again?”

“Yes…” You don’t meet her eyes. “It seems I cannot let him go.” You whisper.

“Dear…” She joins you on the bench. “That new ring… You two married in secret, didn’t you?” You nod. “You should leave him, (Y/n).”

“I-I can’t.” You cry. “I’m all he has now!”

“You don’t have to stay with him.” She sighs. You smile sadly.

“Do you know what he calls Dagfinn?” You chuckle sadly. “He calls him ‘Little Dagger.’ Who does that?” You shake your head, trying to muster any happiness you could feel given the circumstances. “Is there any way we can see him? I know we won’t be able to be in his cell, but just to visit him?”

“I will see what I can do.” Frigga takes your hand and squeezes it. “You are always welcomed here at the palace, (Y/n).”

“I am grateful, my queen.” You smile sadly. “It’s just I don’t know if he loves me or not?”

“I understand, dear.” She sees Dagfinn start fussing. “Here, let me take him and you can try to see him alone.”

“Thank you.” You hug her. “What would I do without you?” Frigga laughs and wipes your tears.

“Go to him. Only one person can bring him back to the light.” You nod and run to the dungeons. The guards wouldn’t let you past.

“Please! I have to see him!”

“Let her pass.” You turn and see Thor. “She’s the mother of his child. They are allowed to see him.” The guards finally let you pass and you run to Loki’s cell.

“Loki, how could you do that?!” He glares at you. “We are supposed to be better than them!”

“They are mortals meant to be ruled.” Loki growls.

“No…” You whisper. “Don’t make me regret saying yes.” You cry. Loki’s chest constricts. “I’m going to raise our child alone again, since I am beneath you as you say.”

“I never meant to cause this.” He shakes his head. “And I only said that so they don’t find out about our marriage.”

“I know, but your mother knows about us and the baby.” You whisper. “Loki, Finn and I are allowed to visit you.”

“Can you bring little Dagger soon?”

“Why do you insist on calling him that?” You smile.

“Because it works with his name, and he will be as sharp as one.” He smirks.

“Don’t let him down.” You sigh. “I don’t want his heartbroken, the same way mine breaks.”

“Darling, I’ll try not to hurt you.”

“You already do, just don’t hurt him!” You cry. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now!” You run from his cell as he yells out your name. You make it to your room and cry into the bed. “Damn it!” What were you going to do now? Your children won’t really have a father and you’ll have to explain why he isn’t there. “I don’t know if I can do this.”


	4. Chapter 3

It’s a few days before you could muster the courage to take Dagfinn to see Loki. You didn’t know what to do so you stood there and held your son in front of your husband’s cell. “Loki, what am I supposed to do?” You whisper. Suddenly the alarms sound and some of the cells open, but not Loki’s. “Well, fuck.” You run at the same time Loki commands you to run. You make it to your room and manage to lock it. Was this Loki’s doing? Then why didn’t his cell open too? What’s going on? You wait for a few hours and the alarms stop. Your door unlocks from the outside and Loki enters. “Did you have something to do with this?” You glare at him before you notice the dark circles under his eyes and how miserable he looked.

“Mother is dead, killed by Malekith, a dark elf.” You embrace him, but careful not to crush your son.

“Loki, I-I’m so sorry.” Loki drags you from your room and you frown. “Loki! What are you doing?”

“Lady (Y/n), we will need your help.” You frown up at Thor.

“What about Dagfinn? You want me to put my son in danger?” You look between the men.

“Jane will look after him.” Thor motions to a woman with brown hair.

“She’s staying here then?” You look her up and down, not trusting anyone with your son except Loki’s mother.

“No, she’s coming too.” Thor explains.

“We have to go!” Sif yells and soon Loki pulls you onto a ship.

“Loki, I swear if our son gets hurt I will never forgive you.” He ignores you as Asgardian soldiers try to surround the ship and they try to learn how to fly it. Jane passes out from something and you stare down at her. “What’s wrong with her?”

“She has the Ether inside her.” Thor explains. “That’s what Malekith is after.”

“AND YOU WERE GOING TO LET HER WATCH MY—” Thor pushes you out of the ship and you land on a boat. You quickly sit up and Loki falls next to you. “You are all assholes.” You glare down at your husband. “Loki, our son is still too young—” Thor jumps down between you two. “Shit!” You fall back, almost out of the boat.

“Thor, be careful!” Loki struggles up and stumbles to you. Thor lays Jane on one side of the boat and takes control. Loki lands next to you on his knees and hovers over your son. “Are you alright?”

“This isn’t safe for him!” You have tears in your eyes. “He is still new to the world, how can I protect him  _and_  you?” Loki looks up at you sadly. “I don’t want to do this.”

“I know.” He sits next to you and leans his head on your shoulder. “Protect little Dagger first.” Loki smiles down at your sleeping baby. “Heal us only when necessary.” Loki whispers in your ear. “Thor and I have a plan, but you can’t tell Jane.” You frown at him. “I am going to pretend to cut his arm off.”

“Loki! That plan is stupid and dangerous!”

“We don’t have a choice, Lady (Y/n).” Thor looks at you knowing Loki told you the plan. “We need Malekith to extract the Ether from Jane. Then I can destroy it.” You start crying.

“Darling, d-don’t do that.” Loki brushes your tears away as best he can. “Please, everything is going to be alright.”

“We’re never going to have a normal life together, are we?” You look up at him. “No matter what happens, you’re going to be blamed and I’m going to be ostracized for being the wife of a traitor.” Loki looks at Thor sadly.

“Lady (Y/n), if this works, Loki’s sins can be forgiven.” You shake your head.

“At what cost?” You look down at your son worriedly.

“Not his life.” Loki kisses Dagfinn’s head gently. “And not the life of our unborn child.” He feels your stomach. “I promise you.”

“Loki, don’t promise me anything.” You take deep breaths, trying to calm down. “We’re almost there.” You look ahead to the desolate land. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“I know dear.” Loki kisses you gently. “Stay hidden. Thor and I will handle this.” Thor gets out of the boat and pulls it ashore. “Come on, dear.” Loki hops out of the boat and helps you down. Thor wakes Jane up and helps her out as well. Loki leads you up a large sandy hill with Thor and Jane. “Alright, stay here and stay hidden.” You kneel down to be able to look below. Loki stands above you with his brother and Jane. He convinces Thor to release his bonds and Thor reluctantly agrees. You watch, horrified, as Loki pushes Thor down the hill and Jane runs after him. All towards the army of dark elves. You look up at him.

“Loki!”

“Shhh!” He glares behind you and follows the other two down. You peak your head out and see him cut off Thor’s hand. You have to stifle your screams. You knew this was their plan, but it still sickens you.

“Loki…” You feel the tears run down your face. Dagfinn wakes up from the wind and you wrap him tighter and press him close to your chest. “It’s okay honey. Daddy is protecting us.” You whisper. Loki offers Jane to Malekith and the dark elf starts extracting the Ether from her. You watch Loki the entire time, not even noticing Thor breaking the illusion and summoning his hammer. He shatters the Ether and Loki pulls Jane down to shield her from the blast. You smile. Maybe there is love still in him. The fight starts and you sit up higher to help heal them. You don’t notice an arrow coming toward you.

“(Y/n)!” You barely hear Loki’s cry as it pierces your shoulder. You duck back down and look down at the wound.

“Shit.” You pull it out slowly, chanting healing spells. When you look back over the hill, Loki is on the ground, the fighting seemingly over. Thor is over him crying. “No!” You run down the hill and stumble toward him. Dagfinn is crying, but all you can pay attention to is Loki gasping for air. “Loki, don’t-don’t go.” You are sobbing. “I need you.”

“No, (Y/n), you don’t.” He smiles up at you sadly.

“I will tell father what you did here today.” Thor holds his hand.

“I didn’t do it for him.” Loki turns to his brother. “Take care of her. She won’t be able to do this alone.”

“Loki, don’t!” You cry and kiss him deeply. “Don’t do this.”

“I love you, (Y/n).” You press his hand against your wet cheek. “I wish I could have been the man you always thought I was. I…I wish I had…made you proud.” His hand goes limp and his eyes stare up at you.

“Loki?” You whisper. There isn’t an answer. “Loki!” You scream, ignoring your son’s cries. “Loki, come back!” You feel Thor’s arm pull you away from his body.

“(Y/n), we have to go!” You fight him all the way to the boat. But, once the boat is in the water, you hang your head in defeat. You soothe Dagfinn as well as you can through your own tears.

“Loki…” The love of your life is gone. The man you trusted more than you should, the man you vowed to love forever, is dead.


	5. Chapter 4

You are inconsolable the next few months. Thor tries to see you before leaving Asgard, but you barely leave to even eat anything, let alone have the energy to see anyone. You spend most of your days and nights with your son, just holding onto the last thing you have of Loki. Your wedding band is on a chain around your neck, you couldn’t take it off completely. “What are we going to do?” You whisper down to your sleeping son one night. You’re starting to show a lot and the doctor said you’re expecting twins. How the hell were you going to raise three children all by yourself?! “Maybe mommy needs to remarry…” You whisper.

“She will do no such thing.” You spin around and see your dead husband standing before you.

“L-Loki?” You take a step away from him with tears in your eyes. “You’re-you’re dead.” You start to sink to your knees, but Loki catches you. “A-a ghost…” You feel faint. This can’t be real.

“No, my love.” Loki pulls you close to his chest. “I’m right here, alive and well.” You cup his face before running your hands through his hair. Anger starts boiling up inside you. You slap him hard.

“I held your hand as you took your last breath. You  _died_!” You wake up your son and glare at Loki. “How could you do that to me again?!” You bounce your son, trying to calm him. “Gods, Loki, you are so selfish.” You sit on the edge of your bed and start sobbing. Loki takes Dagfinn into his arms and kneels in front of you. “ _Why?!_ ” You can’t hide the pain from your voice. “Why Loki?”

“Darling, I-I wish…this was the only way to redeem myself, to die.”

“Thor has mourned you! I mourned for you!  _Odin_  mourned for you!” You can’t stop crying. “Why are you here then?”

“You think I could keep my wife distressed?” Loki tries to wipe your tears, but you slap his hand away.

“There’s always something more with you.” You glare down at him. “You’re after the throne, just as before.” Loki sighs.

“Yes, love, I have the throne, under the disguise of Odin.”

“Where is Odin?” You look at your husband horrified. “Did you kill him?”

“No! Have I been that horrible of a husband that my own wife thinks I’d murder my father?” His look matches yours. “No, I sent him away to people on Midgard who take care of the elderly. He’s under a spell I casted on him, making him forget about Asgard. He thinks he’s a human.”

“Loki, bring him back.” You beg your husband. “Please?”

“He’s had his time. It’s my turn.”

“You won’t even be ruling as yourself!” You sigh. “But you never listen to me, so why should I even try to reason with you?” You take your son back into your arms and lay him in his crib. “Good night, secret husband.” You lay down on your bed, not looking at Loki. “By the way, we’re expecting twins this time around. I’ll be too busy to play along with your little game with three children to raise by myself.” You don’t even turn around to see his shocked expression. “Good night, Loki. Go sleep in your new chambers.”

“I was hoping to join you in your bed, dear wife.” You feel him sit on the edge of the bed next to you.

“You can’t have it both ways. I’m not pretending I’m sleeping with Odin.” You glare at the wall.

“I know, that’s why my clone is sleeping in his bed, disguised as him.” Loki slips under the covers and spoons you. “But I’m right here.”

“Loki…just go.” You stifle your sobs. “You never wanted this. Please don’t pretend any longer.” Your heart shatters as you say what you believe to be true out loud.

Loki closes his eyes and let his tears silently fall. He has pushed you past the breaking point. You couldn’t trust one word he says now. Loki pulls you closer and buries his face into your hair. “I need this. I need you, (Y/n). Please, let me stay in our bed.” You close your eyes and sigh. You curse yourself for forgiving him again so easily, as if you will never learn from your mistakes.

“Yes, Loki, you can stay.” You whisper.

“Thank you, precious lover.” He sighs and keeps his face pressed into your neck. “Don’t leave me ever.”

“I promise.” You whisper, knowing it’s more than he’s ever done for you. Sometimes you wonder when this will end, this hurt then forgiveness. But, no matter how hard you try, you always seem to come back and forgive him fully.

“Thank you, my dear.” Loki kisses your neck, but you pull away. Well, it seems you don’t trust him at least. You try to put as much distance between Loki and yourself.

“Good night.” You don’t add a nickname, or his name. You’re too exhausted to try anymore.

Loki waits until you’re asleep before spooning you again. “I’m sorry, my dearest friend.” He whispers. What were you going to do with twins on the way and a child almost one? Loki makes up his mind to assign a nanny to help you out. “I will try to make this up to you every day.” He sighs. It’s not going to be easy avoiding his children, but that’s the punishment for his sins, right? Watching them grow up without him is what he deserves. Loki finally closes his eyes, satisfied with the torture he brought upon himself.


	6. Chapter 5

You wake up alone in your bed. Now that Loki secretly assigned a nanny to help you with the pregnancy and your child, he couldn’t sneak into your bed any longer. You sigh and sit up. “Loki…”

“Ma’am, Loki is dead.” The nanny tries to comfort you.

“I-I know.” You look down. “I just had a dream that felt so real…” You break down as you desperately just wanted him holding you.

“Now, now, it’s okay.” Your stomach is significantly bigger as your due date grows closer. “I’m sure he would be excited to see his babies.”

“You have no idea.” You whisper. “Can-can I go for a walk? Would you watch Dagfinn for me?”

“That’s why I’m here.” She smiles.

“Thank you.” You stand and dress with a servant’s help. “I will be in the garden if he acts up.” You smile at her.

“Dagfinn is one of the best babies, my lady.” You grin.

“Hopefully he stays that way.” You walk to the gardens, enjoying the fresh air. You take a deep breath and make your way to the most secluded part of the gardens. You find Loki there not even disguised. “Loki, I’m sorry.” You break down and cry again.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” You rub your stomach. Loki pulls you into his chest. “Is it the babies?”

“It’s you!” You wrap your arms around his neck. “I’m doing this alone!”

“I know.” He whispers. “I wish it could be different.”

“It can be different!” You push him away roughly. “Just bring Odin back and you and I can leave! We can go anywhere!” Loki sighs. “Loki, I’m going to Midgard.” You look him in the eye. “Thor will be there to help me and set me up with a job.”

“You aren’t leaving me.” He growls. You don’t back down.

“No, you can either bring Odin back and we can leave together somewhere else. Or you let me go on my own and you can live your life however you want. But I’m not staying here.” You leave the garden and make your way to the doctor for a check up. “Everything alright?”

“Uh, yes…” The doctor’s tone sends you into a panic.

“What? What is it?” You try to prepare yourself for the worst.

“We miscounted…you’re actually having triplets.” You close your eyes.

“How? How the hell am I supposed to care for three babies by myself?” You break down again. The hormones and stress of trying to get out of this complicated situation.

“I’m sure the All-father will assign someone to help you.” The doctor tries to calm you down. “Maybe you should find a husband?”

You shake your head. “No one wants someone with so much baggage.” You take a deep breath. “You’re right, the All-father will give me help.” You look at the doctor. “Anything wrong with the babies?”

“No, they are all healthy.” You sigh in relief.

“Thank you.” You leave them to try to keep calm. You debate whether or not to tell Loki. “

“You look stricken, my dear.” Loki as Odin makes you jump.

“Yes, I’m sure the doctor will tell you why soon, All-father.” You bow your head before walking away quickly. You know Loki will immediately ask the doctor what’s wrong and you wait for him to appear in your room. You lock your bedroom door behind you. Not ten minutes later Loki appears in your room as himself. “So, what am I to do, husband?”

Loki just stares at you. “I don’t know.”

“You’re so helpful.” You chuckle sarcastically. “Whatever, I will be leaving soon before I give birth so I could set up a way to work for them.” Loki shakes his head. “I’ve made up my mind, Loki. I can’t stay here alone and watch you not be a part of our family.” Loki glares at you.

“No.”

“I can’t watch you hide in the shadows away from our family!” You yell. “Go, don’t try to stop me any longer! I have done everything for you and now I’m doing this for me, for our children!” Loki takes a step away from you, not used to your anger. “I will leave you behind the same way you do to us!” You start packing your bags. “And you won’t be able to stop me.” You grab your bags and leave your room, not caring if he’s exposed or not anymore. You made up your mind that this isn’t your problem. You just need to get Dagfinn and leave before his plan blows up in his face. You find the nurse playing with him in his room. “Hey, sweetheart.” You kneel down and kiss his forehead. “Mommy and you need to leave. Something came up.”

“Ma’am?” His nurse looks at you. “What’s going on?”

“I just found out I’m having triplets and I cannot stay here where he walked without thinking about him constantly.” You sigh. “I need to take them and get a fresh start.” You lift your son and start toward the Bifrost. You know she will go and tell the All-father you are trying to leave, but you could not care. You make it to the Bifrost quickly. “Midgard.”

“My lady?” Skurge questions you.

“I’m going to Midgard.” You glare at him. “Now.” He obeys you immediately and you land in New York. You take a deep breath and comfort your son. “Thor?” You find Stark tower and try to enter. “I need Thor!” Tony Stark comes down to stop Security. You only know that because they called him Mr. Stark. “Where’s Thor?”

“I don’t know.” You sigh.

“Really?”

“Why do you need him?”

“I…” You look down. “I need a place to stay. I need work. He’s my brother-in-law.”

“You’re Loki’s wife?” You nod your head.

“Yes, pregnant with his children. But I’m a fast healer and I am just as strong as him.” You look up at him. “I can help.”

“We will have to see. They don’t like your husband.” Tony sighs.

“Well, he’s dead.” You look down at Dagfinn. “And everyone blames me for what he’s done.”

“Come, we can’t offer much, but we will find work for you.” He leads you to a room. “It’s not a lot.”

“It’s perfect.” You smile. “This is more than I could ask. Thank you.” You sit on the bed and Dagfinn climbs up to jump on the bed. “Dagfinn, don’t jump.” You scold him. “You could get hurt.” Tony looks between you two before leaving for you two to settle in. You feel Dagfinn curl up against your side. “I know it’s new and strange, but this is our new home.” You rub his back. “But we have to wait to see what we can and cannot do.”


	7. Chapter 6

Loki paces his room as the months pass. Where were you? Were you okay? What about Dagfinn? Was he alone? He makes his way to the Bifrost under disguise to Skurge. “How is she?” He waits until Skurge searches for you. “Skurge…”

“I’m not Heimdall, your majesty.” He concentrates. “Found her. She is still with those heroes that hate you.”

“What about our children? Is she okay?”

“She’s okay, but…your majesty…”

“What?!” Loki feels his chest constrict. “Where’s Dagfinn? Where’s our babies?”

“Dagfinn is alright as well. But one of the babies didn’t make it. Only two of your three babies lived. The third died. She is still mourning while working for the mortals.” Skurge keeps his eyes down. “She named them Harald and Oskar.”

“I want to see them.”

“Your majesty…you know the mortals won’t welcome you.”

“Then keep an eye on her every day. I want constant updates.” He growls before heading back to the palace to distract himself.

 

You care for your babies as well as Dagfinn when you can. You had to resort to daycare, provided by SHIELD, as you give them all the information you know about aliens and gods. “There are a lot of things you are not prepared for.” You look at the agents. “Don’t think you know everything. Giants tall enough that you only make it to their knees. I’ve seen them. Then they all have different weaknesses.” You explain as much as you can in your seminar. This is what you do until your training is finished.

Once you have ended with their questions, you make your way to the gym. “What first?”

“Sparring.” They paired you with Rhodey, a friend of Tony’s and former military. You had changed and start boxing with him. You were rusty, but soon you were able to best him, remembering what Loki had taught you.

“Good. You’re almost there.” You nod and help him up. “We’re done for the day.”

“Thank you.” You practically run to the daycare. “How were they?”

“Much better now that they are used to us.” She smiles and hands you Harald and Oskar.

“Momma!” Dagfinn runs and hugs your legs. “I make art!”

“You did?” You smile and look at the mix-matched color on the paper, clearly made with his fingers. “I love it! It’s so pretty!” You follow him as he leads you to your apartment. “Now, let me make dinner for us!” You lay your sons on the floor where you could see them. “Be careful around your brothers now.”

“Okay, momma!” Dagfinn grabs plain paper and crayons. He starts drawing at the table as you make chicken and rice with mixed vegetables. You start setting the table for the two of you as your babies are babbling to each other.

You start trying to hold yourself together. You still are mourning for your third child, even after a few months. You start wiping your tears. Dagfinn still doesn’t quite understand what happened. He sometimes asks where his third brother is. Or he’ll ask about Loki, not understanding where he is either.

“Momma, look!” You turn from the vegetables and look at his picture. “I drew us!” You see six stick figures.

“Who’s that?” You ask curiously.

“Papa! You! Me! Os, Har, an’ baby!” You blink confused. “Our family!”

“But our family is you, me, Os, and Har.” You feel your throat constrict.

“Jus’ cause they gone, they still family!” Dagfinn insists. You kneel down and look at him sadly. “They watch us!”

You nod. “You’re right. They are watching us.” You smile and kiss his forehead. “Now let me finish dinner. Want me to hang it?”

“Yah!” He hands the paper to you and you use a magnet to hang it on the refrigerator.

You finish roasting the vegetables and make a normal plate and a smaller plate for Dagfinn. You place his plate in front of him and sit next to him. “Soon you will start school.” You grin. “Are you ready?” You start cutting his chicken for him.

“Yah!” You laugh as he starts eating. You eat as well.

“You’ll make new friends.” You smile. “I am excited for you.” You take your plat to the sink and start the dishes. “Be careful around your brothers now.” You remind him.

“Okay!” He runs toward them and sits in between them. “Hi!” He hugs Oskar before hugging Harald.

You laugh and put the dishes away. “Now, now, be careful.” You sit on the couch and smile down at your children.

“Snuggle momma!” Dagfinn runs to you and climbs onto your lap.

“Okay.” You hold him as the other two slowly fall asleep. You figure the daycare must have already fed them. “What did you do today besides painting?”

“The swings!” He giggles before yawning.

“Okay, love. Go pick out a book while I put them to bed.” You smile as he runs to his room. You slowly lift both boys. “Okay you two, sleep tight.” You put them in their respective cribs. “Good night.” You whisper. You close their door and see Dagfinn waiting on the couch in his pajamas. “Ready?”

“Yeah!” You sit with him. You start the story as he curls up. By the time you’ve finished, he was barely awake.

“Okay, sleepy boy, go brush your teeth. Then I’ll tuck you in.”

“Okay…” He yawns and moves to the bathroom to start brushing his teeth. You smile and wait on his bed. Dagfinn runs in and tackles you onto the bed.

“Ah! You got me!” You laugh. “Okay, sweet boy.” You pull the blanket up and kiss his forehead. “Good night.” You smile at the stuffed animal of a snake he’s clinging to. “You got Jormun, right?”

“Ya! Good night, momma! Give Jormun kiss?” He smiles.

“Of course.” You kiss the stuffed snake. “And now one for my prince.” You kiss his forehead. “Good night, sweet boy.” You make your way to your room and break down. You lay on your bed and cry. You are happy two of your babies lived, but the loss of the third while you’re alone is almost too much. You look out the window through your tears. “Oh Loki…I hope you are having a better life than me. I hope everything is what you wish for.” You look at the sky and sigh. “Good night husband.” You get ready for bed before forcing yourself to sleep.


	8. Chapter 7

Loki makes his way to the Bifrost as he does every week for the past few years. “How is she?”

“My king…” Skurge bows his head. “She is…alright.” Loki frowns.

“Is she?” He nearly tries to start for Midgard, not believing Skurge.

“Yes, she’s happier than she was before, but only alright, your majesty.” Skurge stops him. “She…went on a date, doesn’t like him though.”

“I need to visit her.” Loki insists. “I need to make sure this… _person_  is good enough for my children and her.”

Skurge sighs. “Yes, your majesty.” He starts the Bifrost for Loki. “Be careful, remember, she’s staying with Thor’s friends.”

“I’m aware.” Loki clenches his jaw. He  _hated_  you were staying with the humans that hated him. He  _hated_  that she was seeing someone else, even if she wasn’t going to see them again. “Don’t remind me.” He passes through and look up at the building where you live. “I’m coming, (Y/n).” Loki concentrates and appears in your bedroom to find it empty. “(Y/n)?” He frowns.  _Where you with them still?_  Jealousy courses through him as he leaves your room. “(Y/n)?” Loki calls.

You rush out of the nursery at his voice. “Shhh, Loki! The children just went back to bed!” You whisper harshly. Dagfinn walks out of his room, rubbing his eyes. “Sweetheart, go back to bed.”

“Who’s that?” He looks at Loki, trying to recognize him.

“A friend.” You push Loki toward the living room. “Wait here while I put him to bed.” Loki watches you sadly as you take your son’s hand and leads him back to his room. He wants to be there. He  _should_  be there.

“Will he visit often?” Dagfinn yawns.

“I don’t know, dear.” You kiss his forehead. “Go to bed, love. Don’t you worry about mommy’s friend. You will meet him when we are ready, okay?”

“Okay mommy.” He smiles and settles back down against his pillow. “I love you, mommy.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” You close his door with a sigh. You make your way to the living room. “What are you doing here, Loki?” You rub your eyes before looking at the clock. “It’s 2:30 in the morning.”

“I…know about our fourth child.” He looks up at you angrily. “And your…date.”

“Yeah…I’m sure Skurge told you.” You look away. “What do you want? To rub it in my face our baby would have lived if I stayed? That I shouldn’t be with someone since I’m  _technically_  your wife?” You clench your jaw.

“No!” Loki stands and grabs your arms. “You think me so cruel?”

“I don’t know anymore, Loki.” You sigh.

“I’m here to lift your burden. Come home.” He murmurs in your ear.

“No, Loki. I can’t.” You pull away. “Go on…I don’t want to return to Asgard. We have a good life here now.”

Loki sighs and walks around the small apartment, admiring how it looks. He stops, seeing the family picture Dagfinn drew from a few years ago. You couldn’t find it in yourself to get rid of it. “What’s this?” You walk behind him.

“Dagfinn drew that, years ago when he didn’t understand what happened to our fourth baby. Our family…even those who are gone.” You feel your voice crack. “He thinks you’re dead, Loki. And I’m not telling him the truth if you don’t stay.”

“Why not?” Loki turns, hurt by your words.

“Because how can I tell my son his father prefers to keep power over us? How can I tell him his father chooses to stay away?” You cry. “Just…just go.” You turn from him and sit on the couch, not wishing to deal with him. “Every time you come and don’t stay breaks my heart more, and I can’t tell them the truth because it will hurt them too.”

“Darling…” Loki sits next to you. “I can’t just leave Asgard defenseless.”

You sigh. “Let Odin come back, please? Then we can be together here, well somewhere on Midgard. I have enough to buy a home for us. Please Loki?”

“I…” Loki stands. “I have to go.” You close your eyes.

“As always…” You wave your hand. “Don’t come back until you wish to stay.” You wipe your tears as Loki leaves, more frustrated than before. Oskar and Harold run from their bedroom with tears. “Darlings, darlings, what is it?” You hold them close.

“Bad dream.” Oskar answers. You smile and lift them.

“Okay, I will dispel the bad dreams.” You lay each son in their beds. “Now…I see what is wrong!” You exclaim in a soft voice. “Here.” You start pretending to grab things from the air. “I have grabbed all the bad thoughts.” You smile and kiss their foreheads. “Ready?” They nod and settle down. Loki watches from the corner, secretly watching. You leave and close the door, but not before Loki had flew out. You check on Dagfinn and see he’s asleep. You smile and walk back to your room. Tony had set you up with some arrogant rich friend of his, hoping to get you out of your routine. You undress and get ready for bed. Your phone buzzes and you see it’s the man. You frown and don’t respond. “Definitely never going on a date with him again.” You sit on your bed and look out the window. “Why did you really come back Loki? Why did you really want me on Asgard?” You sigh and lean back against the bed. Loki was watching, holding onto your words. “Maybe you wish for me to sign an annulment?” You chuckle. “Not like we’ve really ever acted married.” You sigh and close your eyes. “Good night, Loki. You selfish asshole.”  _You think he wants a divorce?_  “I’ll prove you wrong. I don’t need your protection. I can protect them better.”

Loki frowns and flies to Dagfinn’s room.  _I can protect them… You’ll see._


	9. Chapter 8

You wake up later than expected, thinking your children would have been up by now. “Finn? Oskar? Harold?” You get up in a panic, not hearing their small feet against the floor. You check their rooms. “Kids?” You feel panic rise in your chest. “This isn’t funny! You come out right now!” You search the entire apartment and couldn’t find them. “Where could they…” You stop. “Loki.” You leave your apartment in a rush and look up. “Skurge!” Immediately you’re engulfed in light. “Where is he?” You start for him, transforming into your armor.

“The palace.” He tries holding you back, but you push him away.

“This is a family matter.” You walk to the palace, feeling your anger grow. “Where are they?!” You storm into the throne room and see “Odin” on the throne with your sons at his feet. “Children.”

“Momma!” They rush and hug you. “Granpa telling us stories!”

“That’s…” You look up at him. “We need to talk.”

“Not now, my dear. You know Loki would have wanted them to live here.” You glare at him.

“We are going to talk now.” You cross your arms.

“But then we will miss the production honoring your husband. Wouldn’t you like to see it?” You sigh, knowing if you outright reject him your children will think you hate their father.

“Fine.” You take your children’s hands and keep them close. You four watch off to the side. You feel one of them tug on your skirt. “Yes dear?” You whisper.

Dagfinn frowns. “He…looks like your friend last night…” He makes the connection. “Papa’s alive?!”

“Shhh.” You whisper. “I will explain when we’re home.”

He holds your hand tightly, feeling more confused than before. “What is this?” You turn and see Thor. You hold your children closer. “(Y/n).”

“Thor, it’s been so long.” You smile down at your sons. “Your…nephews.”

“All off them are Loki’s?” He frowns.

“Yes…I didn’t know until after his death.” You smile. “But they are his.”

“He’s alive.” He frowns at Loki, still disguised. “Just watch.” You are terrified. _Damn it Loki!_

“Kids…let’s go back home.” You back away from them, but they forced you to stay.

“No, mom, we wanna watch!” You keep them close to you, ready to run if you needed to. Thor reveals Loki and your children stare at him as the Asgardians gasp.

“Loki…” You take a deep breath.

“Papa?” Your two youngest walk toward Loki with Dagfinn. “You’re dead!”

You rush forward and stand between him and your children. “You…” You burst into tears out of frustration and fear, but luckily everyone, including Thor, think it’s because Loki never told you he’s alive. “Loki! Why?!” You feel arms wrap around you. You sob. “Why did you take them?” You whisper.

“I missed them. Missed you.” He murmurs. You shove him off you.

“Not enough to come to us!” You feel your sons hold onto your leg. “Gods…Loki…” You run your hands through your hair.

“Where’s father?” Thor growls.

“I’ll show you.” You follow them to the Bifrost after Lady Sif takes the boys. “(Y/n), I would rather you stayed here.”

“No, I’m coming with you.” You glare at him. “I can’t trust you to be alone.” Loki sighs and all of you step through the Bifrost. You found yourself back on Midgard. “You could have told me! I…I’ve lived here with him for years!”

“I couldn’t trust you to not bring him back, darling.” He grins and you smack him, irritated. You stand between the men and sigh, already wishing to just bring your children home. Suddenly the ground beneath you and Loki drops and you both are falling. “(Y/n)!” You grab a hold of him tightly in fear.

“Loki, shit! What did you do?”

“This isn’t me, darling.” You glare at him.

“I don’t believe you.” Loki keeps you close to him for what seems like forever. “Loki, where are we?” You look up at him worriedly as the thoughts of your children invade your thoughts. “What if we never see our sons again? Our babies…Loki, they’re all alone!”

Loki sighs and plays with your hair. “Shhh, we’ll see them again. Don’t you worry about that.” Shortly after that you both see a light and Loki maneuvers himself to land on his back with you on top of him. You both land with a groan and you roll off him almost immediately. “You okay?” He turns to you.

“Yes…” You catch your breath and sit up slowly. “You?”

“Yes.” He stands between you and the man. “You think you’re clever, don’t you?” Loki pulls out his knives. You stand to try and stop him, but he starts forward. Suddenly the three of you are in a field. You see Odin in the distance.

“Loki…” He turns and sees Odin in the distance. He and Thor start forward while you stay back. This is something that doesn’t involve you, as much as it pains you to stay. You watch them for a few minutes, just making sure Loki doesn’t try anything too stupid. Suddenly Odin disappears and a storm is approaching them. You rush forward. “What happened? Where’s Odin?”

“This is your fault.” Thor glares at Loki.

Loki sighs and pulls you behind him. “Odin is…dead.” You gasp and touch their arms.

“I’m…so sorry.” You feel tears in your eyes, but didn’t understand why Thor would blame Loki for Odin’s death.

“Now the goddess of death is released.” Thor glares.

You hold onto Loki tightly. “Death?!” You see a woman with dark hair appear. Thor tries to throw his hammer at her, but she breaks it. Loki panics and yells.

“Brink us back!”

You and Thor scream at the same time. “No!” Loki pulls you to his chest. “Loki! Our sons are there!” You whisper harshly. Loki ignores you and throws a dagger at her, which causes her to attack you two. Loki pushes off her and you two start falling out of the Bifrost. You clutch onto him tightly as you two land in the middle of a city. “Can we stop fucking falling?!” You groan. Loki stands and helps you up before sighing.

“Well, dear, it seems we are going to find out where we are.” You look around and notice police surrounding you.

“Well, fuck.”


	10. Chapter 9

You look up at the man in front of you two. “Ah, is this beautiful creature yours?” The master addresses Loki while eyeing you.

“She is my wife.” Loki says before you could yell at the man.

“What a shame you both seem so…reluctant to share.” You frown, but Loki wraps his arm around you.

“Yes, I apologize. We come from a more conservative planet.”

“Well, if you change your minds…” He grins and you press yourself against Loki.

“We will consider it.” Loki leads you back to the room that was offered to you two. “(Y/n).”

You slap him. “I would never consider it.” Loki grabs your arms and looks you in the eyes.

“Listen to me. We could have died. We can still die. Let me take care of this.” You glare up at him. “I will get on his good side and then we will be safe. Okay?”

You nod and hold onto him tightly. “I still don’t like this.”

“I know.”

“And we need to get to Asgard.”

“Our sons are protected.” Loki tries to reassure you.

“How the hell do you know?” You yell at him. “The goddess of _death_ is there in case you have forgotten?!” You feel your chest constrict and your hands shake. “Our…sons… _my_ sons…” You feel tears down your face. You try to breathe, but it feels like you’re drowning. “Oh, gods, Loki…I abandoned our children!” You glare. “If I wasn’t so concerned about you, I would be there to protect them.”

Loki sighs and pulls you close to his chest. “I’ll get us back to them. You will hold them in your arms again. I promise.”

“Loki, we can’t leave. He made that very clear.” You bury your face into his chest.

“Shh, maybe if I slept with him…”

“Don’t you dare.” You glare at him. “No, I…I won’t let it happen.”

“(Y/n)…” Loki kisses your forehead. “It may be our only way.”

“He wanted me, Loki.” You look down.

“I won’t let that happen. You know I wouldn’t be able to stomach it.” He sways gently.

“Maybe we can find another way?” You ask, still hopeful.

“Yes, come on. We need rest.” Loki leads you to the bed provided for you. “I will be here to protect us.”

“Okay, Loki.” You curl up against him under the covers. “I reluctantly trust you.”

Loki sighs and wraps his arms around you as you slept. “I know, (Y/n). But I will try to prove it to you.”


End file.
